Today I’m not a parent or a coach
Every Tuesday, I pick my daughter up from school. We meet in the local ASDA car park where she jumps in the back of the campervan and quickly changes into her football kit. We then race down to the nearby sports field for a 30-minute kick about.
For context, I’m a qualified sports coach (athletics and cycling, but not in football) so I kinda know how these things should work. But on Tuesdays I’m not the coach or the parent, I’m the sounding board, I’m creating the space for her to choose what we do…
Generally, the sessions are informed by the preceding Saturday’s game experience. This week started as usual with my opening…
“How would you like to spend this time?”
A new sense of knowing
What was different this week, was how she responded. With real clarity and openness and honesty. She’s only been playing the game for about 8 months and only played about 6 games in total…so we are at the very beginning of our journey.
My daughter often has no idea where to stand on the pitch, what space is hers to occupy or defend, and the offside rule is way off in the distance for her right now…
But what was so cool is how she just said, “Can we practice throw-ins please?” She followed this with an honesty I can only hope she continues to hold, which was “I don’t even know where to stand!” It just made me smile.
Spatial awareness and the 2nd touch
So, for 10 minutes, we just practiced me throwing the ball and her receiving it. Sometimes she would take a touch and turn left, other times turning right…and sometimes accidentally pinging the ball randomly off into nowhere.
But each time, regardless of what that first contact was like, she had to follow the ball. We agreed she should chase the second and third touch, regain control of the ball and take a shot.
Now, to help with her spatial awareness we always practice on the pitch, in the position she will often play (right wing). This way she starts to get a better sense of where she exists in relation to others.
Changing context
Before boredom set in, I asked, “What would you like to do next?” To this she responded “Corners.” Again, she openly shared “I have no idea where to stand.” I giggle a little again (but in a good way).
This was great, as it just showed her desire to find out. So, we talked though all the different places she could position herself and then tried a few out. I would cross the ball in, and she would do her thing. We’d talk about waiting for the ball to come to you vs. going to the ball. We’d try out ‘losing her defender’ vs. moving towards her teammate to take a short corner. And again, practiced this for a while.
Self-Directed vs Guided Intervention
It was almost time to go and she said, “Should I do some sprints with the ball?” to which I replied, “Why not?” Again, this was fantastic…self-directed action and self-constructed practice; she knows her role on the pitch is to get the ball and RUN.
As we were about to walk toward the campervan, my daughter went to pick up the ball. This was the first point at which I intervened… I just said, “Keep the ball at your feet and we will walk it to the van.”
“Why?” she asked.
My response?
“Because every touch is learning.”
A misspent youth
When I was around 14 years of age, me and my friends would walk miles with a ball at our feet. We’d go through fields, down paths, across roads and village boundaries. We didn’t know it then, but every touch of that ball made us better footballers.
We got to know the feeling of boot/trainer etc on ball under varying conditions – skiddy wet grass, firm tard roads and bobbly cobbled paths. Each touch was giving us a better appreciation of what it felt like to control the ball. No one wanted the ball to find its way into a river or under a car (although we may have risked this a few times).
So, when game day came, whilst we may not have been the biggest or the fastest or even the most skilful on the pitch, we were often the ones with the ball under control at our feet.
It’s not about football – it’s about learning
No, this is not really a blog about football, but one about learning. It’s one that’s about acknowledging every touch with the world is learning – be you a leader, coach or just someone doing something new like my daughter. Every interaction is an opportunity to practice, and life is a continual practice for the next moment.
This is about advocating for choice and autonomy in learning, knowing that you don’t always have to be the teacher for someone. You may just need to be the person that asks, ‘how would you like to spend this time?’ To be the one that helps them sense-make and open up regarding their vulnerabilities about what they do and don’t know.
Do you/your leaders even know where to stand?
It’s about encouraging practice in more authentic and valid environments. Test yourself in the place where you will need your skills to work. It’s about experimenting, sometimes waiting for the right moment, like my daughter waiting for the ball, and other times coming to the conversation, as my daughter at times would need to come towards the ball. It’s about changing the environment and context to match the changing places you might play/work.
Following Through and Predictions
It’s a blog about following through after that first contact, be it a good one or not. That first interaction with a difficult conversation shouldn’t be left to one side. It’s about considering ‘what does that second and third interaction look like?’…like my daughter following the ball and regaining control.
And… it’s about learning to predict what will happen based on the observable signs, like my daughter and watching the thrower or the corner taker. Can she predict the flight of the ball and put herself in the right place? Can you as a leader predict the direction events may head and manage these by meeting them ready?
Key reflective questions
Use these to create better, more human-centred learning experiences whether for yourself, or your teams, or organisation:
- How many ‘touches’ do I, or my team, actually get?
- Do I create safe spaces for others to practise or only spaces to perform?
- When do I step back and let others lead their own learning?
- Am I helping people ‘practise where they play’?
- How do I support people after the first contact?
- Do I encourage sense-making and reflection?
- Am I modelling curiosity, vulnerability, and learning, myself?
Closing Reflection
For leaders, ‘every touch is learning’ is a reminder that growth doesn’t happen in the abstract, it happens in contact with the real world. Each conversation, decision, and misstep offers feedback if we stay curious enough to notice.
Like my daughter, learning the rhythm of the game, leaders develop, not by avoiding mistakes, but by engaging fully with each moment – adjusting, following through, and trying again.
The best learning isn’t in theory or control – it’s in practice, reflection, and play.
So, keep the ball at your feet. Every touch counts.
If you fancy chatting about any of this, give me shout at kurt@bemorelnd.co.uk or via the contacts link.